I recently read an older blog post from Grace Victory about Emotional Eating, as I was reading through it I could empathise with Grace completely.. I am an emotional eater too.
Happy, sad, celebrating, treating myself, bored.. food is always involved. Since recovering from my previous disordered eating I’ve gone on to the other side of a very confusing spectrum of disordered eating.
I’m not a psychiatrist and I don’t want to fall in to the pattern of psychoanalysing myself, but I feel like all those years of obsessing and restricting have made me think I deserve food whenever the thought of eating comes in to my head. The rise of the Body Positivity movement has made me think I deserve to eat whatever I want, when I want.. ignoring the obvious signs that my body isn’t agreeing with my sudden all carby diet, damn you Gluten Sensitivity.
I can be a nightmare when it comes to eating, if I’m in a restaurant that doesn’t serve any food that I like or the food I have ordered doesn’t sit well with me, it in some ways ruins my night. I’ll always think “I wish I ordered this food or that food instead.. I wish we went somewhere else… what am I going to do for food now?” and then I swiftly think “WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!”.
Food in a way, is my happiness blanket. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t say I was an unhappy person, but as a chronic over thinker things get me down, and it’s always easy to polish off a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting, or eat a whole tube of Pringles over the course of a film.
Although I exercise multiple times a week (on some days I do two classes), if it wasn’t for my bad eating habits I could have gained so much more muscle by now and got even stronger. I’m not over weight and I’m not under weight, I’m the average in between, but that doesn’t mean everything is all fine inside my body.
I’m sorry if this post turned into a little rant, it always helps to write my thoughts down to really come to terms with them. I’m not into New Year’s Resolutions normally but I want to make a point to sort out my eating habits and be free of the disordered eating, once and for all.
Has anyone else fallen into this ’emotional eating’ void and can’t climb their way out, past all the hashbrowns and Ben & Jerry’s?